Saturday, November 29, 2008

I am become death.

There are few things in the world I hate more than malls during Christmas*. I've had a history of falling victim to my own misinterpretations of what could be called "normal" mall behaviour by mindless consumers, which, subsequently, has lead me to want to set off a pipe bomb in the busiest sections of West Edmonton Mall**. But that's a whole other story. In fact, I'd more than likely be just as content doing so at Prince George's shining star, the Pine Center Mall***. Only not as content.

Anyway, I had to spend roughly and hour in the mall today. Generally speaking, there are only three reasons I go to the mall:
1. To visit Yeshwa
2. To vandalize the bathroom stalls
3. To see if there is any yarn worth stealing at Zellars.

Other than that, I usually have no reason to set foot in there. But, everytime I do go there, there is a new reason to be disgusted with people and want to wash myself in bleach. On my last visit, my blood boiled for one reason: Christmas Shopping.

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE? Everyone at the mall today (minus my friend Jon I ran into who was buying a phone from Josh) are my official fuck that(those) guy(s) of the holiday season. But don't worry, that's subject to change because Christmas fucking pisses me off. You know what, fuck it, I can have multiple fuck that guys per entry, so I declare the prick who owns Pine Center my other official Fuck that guy of the day.

I just had to get that off of my chest. Now that that's over with, here's a photo for everyone's enjoyment. So please, enjoy!

Author's Notes:

*Whacky fundamentalists aside...
**I aint no terrorists, and I'm not going to bomb no mall. Or anything for that matter.
***Not even this one.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Fuck people in love. Including myself. It's the worst idea. It's just a trick to make children. Don't fall for it.

Love is my official fuck that of the century.

Monday, November 24, 2008


Here Jeremy, you always wanted to see more Double-ya double-ya two loonie toones cartoons.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Women are stupid and I don't respect them.

Do you know what's worse than punk elitists? Feminists. And do you know what's worse than feminists? People who feel they have to be feminist for you.

If you read my last post, you'll know I was at a punk show on Sunday. What I failed to mention was before the show had started, Grace and I were watching youtube videos with a group of other people waiting for the show to get going. We watched things like the Washington Rap, among other things. But we found out that someone we knew had never heard the wonderfully satirical Jon Lajoie song "Show me your Genitals" In light of this, we found it, plugged our computer into the P.A. and listened with great joy to his mock-mysogynistic masterpiece.

Grace and I sang along gleefully, unaware that apparnetly we were being offensive? Apparently, in a room full of adults, two independant, informed, empowered women can't laugh at this song without being frowned upon. It turns out one of the members of the headlining band were offended at our sense of humour. Now, unless I'm wrong--because I did not hear this first hand, but through an e mail from the promoter which I won't even begin to describe because it was such a farce--it seems that this member of the band, who happens to be a man, found it sad that we would demean ourselves by finding the content of the song funny. When I read this, I nearly puked I found it so funny. If anything, I find his comment mysogynistic. Am I too simple minded to understand why this is offensive? Maybe I should go back into the kitchen and bake me some bisquits and not concern myself with things like IRONY and SARCASM. Pardon me for being sooo offensive to myself. I'm really ashamed that my behaviour was so immature...not.

My Dad has a really great saying that he probably heard from someone else:

"If you can't laugh at yourself, you're the only one."

It's sad that some people can't seem to laugh at anything. At least I can say I've had more than a few laughs today.

So, in closing, would be feminists are my official "Fuck that guy" of the day.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Punk elitists ftw.

So I keep going to punk rock shows with my pal Grace and her dude man Geoff. Anyway, so the other night we were at this show, and Geoff was doing sound check for this lady who was unknown to us.

Now, I mean no disrespect, but this girl was hands down the most disrespectful performer I have ever seen. She was unnecessarily insistent about particulars about her sound (that, in my opinion made no sense). She demanded to just play guitar through her amp, and Geoff insisted micing it, which she insisted would ruin her sound. Geoff insisted that he could make her sound good, and she insisted she didn't want to sound good, she wanted to sound "raw".

Then, [perhaps] verbatim, this is what she said to Geoff: "I don't want some elitist punk kid taking over my sound and telling me what to do"

Pretty fucking bitchy considering Geoff was being the most reasonable sound guy in history.

Anyway, so the night goes on, and Geoff's band is doing their sound check, and this girl decides to interrupt them, and tells them they're doing it wrong. At this point I was completely floored that this n00b would come into a venue these guys have played in since they were 15, and demand they do their sound differently. She said they were too loud, and that they were trying too hard to make themselves seem bigger than they are. (they are a punk band....pretty much) What was funny is Sheldon, The Throwbacks' guitarist, kept calmly talking to her exclusively through a microphone even though she was 5 feet away from him. It was a ridiculous scene.

So that ridiculousness aside, she goes on stage for her set. I'm hoping I'll be completely floored by her performance, so I stand off to the side, ready to snap some photos.

But here comes the kicker. The great punchline to all of this. The first thing she says when she goes on stage:

"Hi guys, I'm new to town and this is my first time playing in front of people."


In case you missed it, she not only pushed everyone around about sound engineering, generally tried to cause havoc and displayed a dauntingly huge ego, but...she'd never EVER played before? At all?!

I think this goes without saying, but this lady was my official "fuck that guy" of the day.

Oh, she also got upset when a girl hurt herself moshing (moshing, what?) and proceeded to turn off the sound board and tell the band to stop playing. This ended in a screaming match I unfortunately was not present for.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Those pricks ruin everything....

Whoever owns this Christmas tree farm is my official "Fuck that guy" of the year.

Monday, November 10, 2008


Fuck everyone who sits on the fucking CFUR couch and talks like a bunch of douches about douchebaggery.

These people are each my official "Fuck that guy" of the day.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Fuck the drive thru

This angry man who obviously couldn't read a simple sign freaked the fuck out at me today. He took a completely wrong entrance into this drive thru and then got pissed at me when I went in front of him. He drove up beside me and rolled his window down and proceeded to explain how much of a cunt I am, and then forced his way in front of me. His female passenger was also very insistent about my cuntness. They went so far as to tell the manager to give me a hard time. I saw her walk towards their window, so I rolled mine down to listen, and she pretty much told him he went in the wrong entrance and to deal with it. I felt very vindicated and enjoyed my cheese croissant with great pleasure.

He gets my official "Fuck that guy" of the day.
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