Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Wish me luck...

Tonight at 6, Mitch and I are partaking in an epic adventure that may lead to both of our deaths. If we die, then I demand that Tess hold a wake in our honor. I am now going to write my last will and testament on my blog. I'm writing this at my mom's office, and shes' a lawyer, so I'm pretty sure that makes this legit:

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

THIS IS THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT of me, Naomi Lee Kavka, born in the City of Comox, British Columbia, on February 28th, 1988, and currently of a random house I’m house sitting in College Heights, in the City of Prince George, in the Province of British Columbia, Canada.
At the time I signed this Last Will and Testament, I was of sound and disposing mind and memory. I was not acting under the unreasonable or undue influence of any person at the time I signed this Last will and Testament.

I make, publish and declare this instrument to be my Last Will and Testament ("Will") . By signing this document, I revoke any and all former Wills or Codicils, previously made by me, if such documents existed prior to the signing of this Last Will and Testament.

1. I declare that I am currently single.

2. In anticipation of the possibility that I marry in the future (so within the next four hours? I doubt it), I wish to further declare that I intend the testamentary disposition set out in this Will to remain intact and unchanged.

3. I APPOINT Jeremy to be the Executor and Trustee of this Will. I hereinafter refer to my Executor and Trustee as my Trustee and the expression "Trustee" shall mean and include the Executor or Executors and the Trustee or Trustees for the time being hereof whether original, additional or substituted.

4. In the event that Jeremy Kavka predeceases me or is, for any reason whatsoever, either unable or unwilling to act as my Trustee, I APPOINT Chantal to be my first alternate Trustee.

5. I GIVE all my property of every nature and kind and whatsoever situate, save and except for the following bequests:

6. All my musical instruments, including, but not limited to, my Yamaha acoustic guitar, Ibanez AXS 32112312 something or other electric guitar, fretless Fender Jazz Bass, Fender Aerodyne Jazz Bass, cello, harmonicas, juice harp, talk box, melodica, two hammer mini dulcimier to Josh. I also endow royalty rights to all songs written and recorded up until the point of my death. Any songs released after, in a Tupac type fashion are also cool with me. You should also take all your CD’s back before the hoards (see article 9) claim them.


7. To my brother, Jeremy, I give you my role as favorite child. Big shoes to fill, I know, but I think you can handle it. Oh, and you can have my car. Treat her well. Or sell her, because I think the transmissions going.

8. To my wife, Chantal, I give you all of my life savings. And all your Cure CD's back.

9. All of my Hunter S. Thompson and Salvador Dali memorabilia are to be given to Tess. Feel free to rifle through my stuff and take anything else you find cool. I also give full rifling rights to Marcy, Chantal, Jeremy, my parents, and anyone else I’m on good terms with (you know who you are) in that order.


10. I direct that my funeral expenses shall be paid by my Trustee as soon as practicable after my death. Bury me not in the lonesome prairie.


Initials of Witness: JK
Initials of Witness: KS
Initials of Naomi Lee Kavka: NK



12. Wherein my trustee is referred to in the feminine form it may be substituted for the masculine form in the event that my trustee is unable or unwilling to act and my alternate trustee is to act as my trustee.




IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have to my Will written upon this and the 5 preceding pages of paper, subscribed my name, this Day of March, 2007.

SIGNED, PUBLISHED and DECLARED by
the Testator, Naomi Lee Kavka, as and for her
Last Will and Testament in the presence of us,
both present at the same time, who at her request,
in her presence and in the presence of each other
have hereunto subscribed our names as witnesses.



Naomi Lee Kavka: Naomi Kavka
Darlene D.R. Kavka: Darasdfasdvka
Jeremy Kavka: Jeremy Kavka...............




*************

You'll find Mitch's and my emaciated corpses somewhere along University Hill. Running will be FUN....!!!

2 comments:

xoxo said...

You're givin your DalĂ­ stuff to Tess and I don't even get a goodbye kiss? Gyped! I'm the art history major, I'll fight her for it.

Oh. And I sincerely hope you don't die Naomi. Good luck on your adventure.

Naomi said...

Oh man, I excluded so many people from my will, sorry you were among them. I WROTE IT UNDER PRESSURE AND FEAR OF DEATH OKAY?!

But we're okay now.

 
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