Thursday, September 07, 2006


You drunken fiend, you'd better read this. Tonight, when I was driving home, I caught you a TOAD.

I was driving home at like 11:00 PM, and they were all over the road again. After probably killing at least 3 or 4 of them by accidentally running them over, I stopped my car, and caught one by the glow of my car's headlights. It was about 4 inches long, when sitting normally, and cold and slimy as fuck. It kept squirming to get away, and began excreting some strange green ooze into my hand, that I can only assume was fesces. I decided it would be a bad idea to let it loose inside my car, so I set him down in the dark wilderness beside the road. That in itself was treacherous and in the process I nearly fell into a ditch that most likely lead to certain death, but I managed to survive.

But there were SO many of toads. If I'd had with me a bucket, I would have filled it with them and left it on your doorstep. I can only assume this would please everyone else in your home. But this night has opened my eyes. I mean, I need to stop carrying guitars with me all the time, and start packing empty buckets. They're endlessly useful. Unlike stupid guitars that are just useful in context.


mitch said...

You could have used a guitar case and left it at tess's door step.

Naomi said...


T.R. said...

I once inadvertently made a toad jump into my own eye while trying to catch him. It was terrifically unpleasant.

I really would like that toad sometimes soon.

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