TESS!!1!

You drunken fiend, you'd better read this. Tonight, when I was driving home, I caught you a TOAD.

I was driving home at like 11:00 PM, and they were all over the road again. After probably killing at least 3 or 4 of them by accidentally running them over, I stopped my car, and caught one by the glow of my car's headlights. It was about 4 inches long, when sitting normally, and cold and slimy as fuck. It kept squirming to get away, and began excreting some strange green ooze into my hand, that I can only assume was fesces. I decided it would be a bad idea to let it loose inside my car, so I set him down in the dark wilderness beside the road. That in itself was treacherous and in the process I nearly fell into a ditch that most likely lead to certain death, but I managed to survive.

But there were SO many of toads. If I'd had with me a bucket, I would have filled it with them and left it on your doorstep. I can only assume this would please everyone else in your home. But this night has opened my eyes. I mean, I need to stop carrying guitars with me all the time, and start packing empty buckets. They're endlessly useful. Unlike stupid guitars that are just useful in context.